The Survivor's Tool Kit

People-pleasing behavior is a pervasive issue that can significantly affect an individual's mental, emotional, and behavioral health. It involves prioritizing others' needs over one's own to gain approval and avoid conflict. This blog explores the causal factors associated with people-pleasing, examines its effects on those who engage in this behavior, and discusses the underlying needs or losses that this behavior attempts to address. Examples are provided throughout to illustrate these concepts. Differentiating People Pleasing from Kindness People Pleasing vs. Kindness It's essential to distinguish between people-pleasing behavior and simply being kind or doing the right thing. While both behaviors may appear similar on the surface, their underlying motivations and consequences differ significantly. People Pleasing: Motivation: Driven by a need for approval, fear of rejection, and low self-esteem. Individuals often engage in people-pleasing to feel valued and avoid c...

Parenting is a daunting task filled with numerous challenges, sleepless nights, and moments of pure joy. But what if we could take a leaf out of the book of the legendary British comedy troupe, Monty Python, and infuse some humor and wit into our parenting journey? In this blog, we'll explore the best ways to raise children through the whimsical and absurd lens of Monty Python. After all, if we can’t laugh at the chaos of parenting, we might just go mad. Always Look on the Bright Side of Life One of the most iconic songs from Monty Python, "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life," teaches us an invaluable lesson in optimism. Imagine your toddler has just drawn a masterpiece on the living room wall using permanent markers. Instead of despairing, channel your inner Eric Idle, whistling away and admiring the avant-garde nature of their artwork. Children thrive in environments where positivity and laughter are abundant. When faced with the inevitable tantrums and trials of pa...

Intelligence is traditionally understood as the capacity to acquire and apply knowledge and skills. Over time, research has expanded this definition to include multiple forms of intelligence, one of the most significant being Emotional Intelligence (EI). Unlike cognitive intelligence, which measures abilities such as logic, reasoning, and problem-solving, emotional intelligence refers to the capacity to identify, understand, manage, and utilize emotions effectively in oneself and others (Goleman, 1995). This blog will explore the components, developmental factors, and potential impediments to the growth of emotional intelligence. Types of Intelligences Linguistic Intelligence: The ability to use language effectively for communication and comprehension. For example, individuals with high linguistic intelligence may excel as writers, poets, or public speakers. Logical-Mathematical Intelligence: The capacity for deductive reasoning, problem-solving, and mathematical calculations. For in...

  Love, as they say, is a battlefield. But who wants to be constantly dodging emotional grenades and miscommunication landmines? Fear not, brave heart, for we’re diving into the whimsical world of healthy communication and behavior between partners—with a comedic twist! Let’s explore how you and your partner can keep the love boat afloat without turning it into a Titanic sequel. The Art of Timing: Choose Your Battles Wisely Ever tried to discuss the meaning of life while your partner is desperately searching for the TV remote during the big game? Not the best timing, friend. Timing is crucial in communication (Gottman & Silver, 2015). Scenario: You’re ready to have “the talk” about finances while your partner is knee-deep in a Netflix binge. Healthy Approach: Wait for a moment when both of you are relaxed. "Hey honey, how about we discuss our budget over a nice dinner instead of while you’re in the middle of your intense 'Stranger Things' marathon?" This approac...

Adolescents living in toxic home environments face numerous challenges that can significantly impact their mental and emotional well-being. These environments may include homes where parents struggle with addiction, display uncontrolled anger, scream and yell, suffer from untreated mental health disorders, neglect, or abuse their children. Developing coping skills is crucial for these adolescents to navigate their difficult circumstances and build resilience. The Importance of Coping Skills Coping skills are strategies that help individuals manage stress, navigate challenging situations, and maintain emotional balance. For adolescents in toxic environments, these skills can be lifelines, providing mechanisms to deal with the chaos and instability in their lives. According to the American Psychological Association (2020), effective coping mechanisms can improve psychological resilience and reduce the risk of developing mental health issues. Children of Addicts Children of addicts often ...

Having deep, vulnerable, and sometimes anxiety-ridden conversations with your spouse is essential for maintaining a healthy and strong relationship. These conversations can help to build trust, enhance emotional intimacy, and resolve underlying issues. However, they can also be challenging and uncomfortable. This blog will explore effective strategies for approaching and successfully engaging in these conversations, the best locations for such discussions, the optimal timing, ways to calm yourself from anxiety before the conversation, and how to navigate potential roadblocks. Approaching the Conversation Setting the Intention Before initiating a deep conversation, it's crucial to set a clear intention. Reflect on what you hope to achieve and communicate this to your spouse. Setting an intention helps to frame the conversation positively and focus on the desired outcome rather than the discomfort. According to Gottman and Silver (2015), clear intentions can significantly reduce misu...

When life throws curveballs at us, we often feel like we’re stuck in a never-ending game of dodgeball, where the balls are worries, stress, and unexpected challenges. The key to surviving this game is having some trusty coping skills up your sleeve. Coping skills are not only essential for mental health but can also be a source of humor and joy. Let's dive into the amusing world of coping mechanisms and see how they can turn a frown upside down. The Art of the Meltdown: How Crying Can Be Cathartic Ever had one of those days where everything goes wrong? You spill coffee on your favorite shirt, miss the bus, and then get an email from your boss with the subject line, “Urgent: Please Read.” The only logical response? A good, old-fashioned cry. Believe it or not, crying is a fantastic coping mechanism. It releases pent-up emotions and can be surprisingly refreshing (APA, 2023). Plus, you can always turn it into a dramatic performance, worthy of an Oscar. Who knew emotional breakdowns c...

In the realm of interpersonal relationships, establishing clear communication and understanding is essential for maintaining harmony and respect. Two concepts often discussed in this context are boundaries and ultimatums. While they may appear similar at first glance, they serve different purposes and have distinct implications for relationships. This blog aims to elucidate the similarities and differences between boundaries and ultimatums, highlighting their roles in fostering healthy interactions. Defining Boundaries and Ultimatums Boundaries are limits set by individuals to protect their physical, emotional, and mental well-being. They are personal guidelines that delineate acceptable and unacceptable behavior from others. Boundaries are established to maintain respect and ensure one's needs are met without encroaching on others' rights (Cloud & Townsend, 2017). Ultimatums , on the other hand, are demands that require specific actions or outcomes, often accompanied by a...