The Gender Divide and Its Generational Impact

 


From the moment a child is born, they are handed an invisible rulebook based on gender—a set of expectations that dictates how they should behave, express emotions, and navigate the world. It’s like planting two trees in separate gardens: one given free reign to grow wild and tall, the other carefully pruned, shaped, and kept within boundaries. These early distinctions shape emotional intelligence, career aspirations, communication styles, and our understanding of relationships. But what if we tossed out the rulebook? What if children were raised without gendered expectations, free to develop without predefined roles? Let's explore how gendered upbringing influences adult identity and what might change if we raised all children under the same principles.

How Boys and Girls Are Raised Differently

1. Emotional Expression: The Dam vs. the River

  • Boys: From an early age, boys are often discouraged from expressing emotions such as sadness or fear. Phrases like “boys don’t cry” or “man up” condition them to suppress vulnerability and adopt emotional stoicism (Chaplin, 2015). Picture an enormous dam holding back a river—over time, the pressure builds, and when the dam finally cracks, the flood is catastrophic. That’s what emotional suppression does to boys who grow up into men unable to process their emotions in a healthy way. Studies show that men raised in environments that discourage emotional expression are more likely to experience difficulty in emotional regulation, which can lead to issues such as substance abuse, aggression, or depression (Levant et al., 2009).

  • Girls: Conversely, girls are encouraged to express emotions freely. Sensitivity, empathy, and nurturing are emphasized, and they are often comforted when upset (Brody & Hall, 2008). However, anger in girls is typically discouraged, like a river forced into a narrow, winding canal—eventually, the water still finds a way out, but often in an unhealthy, indirect manner, such as passive aggression, people-pleasing, or self-blame. Research suggests that this suppression of assertive emotions contributes to the higher rates of anxiety and depression observed in women (Nolen-Hoeksema, 2012).

2. Independence vs. Nurturing: The Lone Wolf vs. the Caretaker Bee

  • Boys: Encouraged to be independent, problem-solvers, and risk-takers, boys are often given more freedom. They are expected to be strong and self-sufficient, with less emphasis on emotional connection (Leaper, 2011). They are like lone wolves, expected to hunt, lead, and survive without showing weakness.

  • Girls: Taught to be caregivers, helpers, and cooperative, girls are often assigned nurturing roles from a young age, whether through playing with dolls, babysitting siblings, or helping around the house (Eccles, 2015). They grow up like worker bees, tending to the hive, ensuring harmony, and sacrificing their individual needs for the group’s well-being. This socialization leads to women disproportionately taking on unpaid emotional labor in adulthood, both in the workplace and at home (Hochschild, 2012).

3. Communication Styles: Action vs. Words

  • Boys: Typically raised with a focus on action over verbal processing, boys are less encouraged to discuss feelings or engage in deep emotional conversations (Barrett & Bliss-Moreau, 2009). Instead, they express themselves through activities—sports, competition, humor. Imagine a boy given a toolbox instead of a diary; rather than talk about his emotions, he’s taught to fix things instead. This emphasis on action over words leads to a gendered communication gap in adulthood, where men struggle to articulate feelings in relationships and workplace environments (Tannen, 1990).

  • Girls: Taught to communicate and collaborate, girls are encouraged to talk through problems and maintain social harmony (Fivush & Zaman, 2015). They are given diaries, tea sets, and dolls—tools for verbal processing—so they become skilled at emotional navigation but may struggle with direct confrontation. Research suggests that this difference in upbringing contributes to the stereotype that women “over-communicate” while men “under-communicate” in relationships (Tannen, 1990).

4. Children Raised Without Gendered Expectations

While the majority of children in the U.S. are raised within the framework of traditional gender expectations, some parents choose to allow their children to develop without these constraints. Instead of being squeezed into the roles of "boy" or "girl" in a rigid way, these children are encouraged to express themselves freely and pursue their interests without concern for gender norms.

Although research on this approach is still in its infancy, preliminary findings suggest several possible outcomes:

  • Increased Emotional Intelligence: Children who are not forced into gendered emotional expectations may develop a healthier relationship with their emotions, leading to better self-awareness and social skills (Zosuls et al., 2011).
  • Expanded Career Aspirations: Without the subconscious push toward gender-typical careers, children may be more open to exploring fields traditionally dominated by the opposite gender (Coyle & Liben, 2016).
  • Social Challenges: While these children may benefit from greater personal freedom, they may also face difficulties in environments where gender norms are still rigidly enforced, such as schools and peer groups (Eagly & Wood, 2012).

Because few long-term studies have been conducted on children raised outside of traditional gender expectations, the full extent of this approach’s impact remains unknown. However, what is known is that children raised in environments that encourage emotional expression, self-exploration, and freedom from rigid roles tend to experience greater psychological well-being and less distress related to identity development (Zosuls et al., 2011).

What If We Were Raised Under the Same Construct?

If boys and girls were raised with the same expectations—encouraged equally in emotional expression, ambition, independence, and risk-taking—we might see significant shifts in societal structures:

  1. Healthier Emotional Expression: Men would likely experience fewer struggles with emotional suppression and vulnerability, leading to stronger, more open relationships. Women, in turn, would feel less pressure to be the sole emotional caretakers (Chaplin, 2015).
  2. Balanced Careers and Household Roles: Gender-based career and domestic expectations would lessen. More men might enter caregiving professions, and more women might pursue leadership without the expectation of “doing it all” (Charles & Grusky, 2011).
  3. Equal Risk and Independence: Women would feel more empowered to take risks, whether in adventure, business, or self-advocacy, while men would feel more comfortable asking for support when needed (Leaper, 2011).
  4. Redefining Strength: Strength would no longer be tied to emotional suppression or toughness but instead to resilience, self-awareness, and adaptability (Levant et al., 2009).

References

Coyle, E. F., & Liben, L. S. (2016). Gender differences in children's occupational aspirations: The impact of gendered perceptions of ability. Sex Roles, 75(9-10), 490-500.

Zosuls, K. M., Miller, C. F., Ruble, D. N., Martin, C. L., & Fabes, R. A. (2011). Gender development research in sex roles: Historical trends and future directions. Sex Roles, 64(11-12), 826-842.

Barrett, L. F., & Bliss-Moreau, E. (2009). She’s emotional. He’s having a bad day: Attributional explanations for emotion stereotypes. Emotion, 9(5), 649-658.

Brody, L. R., & Hall, J. A. (2008). Gender and emotion in context. In Handbook of Emotions (pp. 395-408). Guilford Press.

Chaplin, T. M. (2015). Gender and emotion expression: A developmental contextual perspective. Emotion Review, 7(1), 14-21.

Charles, M., & Grusky, D. B. (2011). Occupational ghettos: The worldwide segregation of women and men. Stanford University Press.

Eccles, J. S. (2015). Gendered socialization of motivation, engagement, and performance in math and science. International Journal of Gender, Science and Technology, 7(2), 131-146.

Hochschild, A. R. (2012). The managed heart: Commercialization of human feeling. University of California Press.

Levant, R. F., et al. (2009). The male role: A contemporary examination. Journal of Men's Studies, 17(3), 229-251.

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